Ten Years Later

It’s been ten years since my cousin’s passing in Nicaragua while we were on a youth mission trip. With the passing of time, some memories of the accident have faded, and time has healed some wounds. It doesn’t take away the gravity of what happened or the deep loss my whole family has felt. Nathan’s life mattered. In fact, it still does. I believe he accomplished what God called him to do on this earth, and his impact is still touching lives.

The memorial in Nicaragua where Nathan’s heart is buried gives testament to that. For years to come, people will remember a life surrendered to God and the ultimate sacrifice that was made. Did Nathan choose to go to Nicaragua knowing he would lose his life there? No, of course not. Yet he lived a life that was willing to follow God’s path even if it took him through the shadow of death.

See, death is really just a shadow for Christians. We are promised everlasting life through Jesus, and we know that we will see Nathan again. Yet despite knowing that, we are left with a shadow, a dark place where something has come between us and the light. In heaven there will be no mourning or death, and the glory of God will be the light (Rev. 21:23-25). We will be with Christ and our fellow Christians in a place where death can no longer touch us. Yet on the earth, temporarily, death blocks us from seeing the light of eternity.

Paul talks about this in his first letter to the Corinthians when he says, “For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known” (1 Cor. 13:12). In a way, we are living in shadowlands on this earth, unable to clearly and fully see God’s plan. We have been told that He is good, but sometimes the glass we look through can darken that image. Then before we know it, we start doubting God’s goodness or even what good means.

A book that really helped me through not only Nathan’s passing but also a lot of questions about death was A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. In chapter 1, he had just lost his wife, and his feelings were very raw and unfiltered. He claims that it is easy to feel God when life is going your way but it seems that God abandons us when life gets hard. By chapter 3, Lewis notices that the grief isn’t as heavy as it was, and he says that tears can blind us to a lot. He knew that God was with him, but his tears caused him to not see God.

I realized how true that was for me. I still maintained my belief that God was good, but I got angry every time I heard someone say, “Oh, God wouldn’t let that happen,” or “God will protect you when you are in His will.” Those phrases are well-meaning and have partial truth, but the fact is that God is good even when bad things happen and that we sometimes get hurt despite being in the middle of God’s will. It doesn’t mean that He doesn’t love us or that He isn’t good. It just means that we are still looking through a dark glass or even our tears and can’t see Him clearly.

Since Nathan’s passing, I have been able to see a lot of God’s goodness, and the shadows don't seem as dark. I still have recurring dreams, though, that Nathan is still alive and that I’ve just misunderstood or gotten the details wrong about what happened. I’ve thought a lot about why I keep dreaming that specifically, and it reminds me of what someone told me about death, that God did not create us to die. His intention in creating humans was to have fellowship with him and an abundant, everlasting life. Sin and death were not a part of what God’s perfect plan was for us. 

In recognizing that, I connected it with another quote by C.S. Lewis that says, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” I can’t help but think that our shock at death, no matter how expected it was, is related to his statement. If we were not created for death and God’s intent for us was - and still is - to have everlasting life, then it should come at no surprise that death is a horrible shock to us. We feel a deep struggle when someone dies because something just doesn’t feel right about it. How could someone be with us one day but then just be gone?

As I ask myself these questions, my thoughts go back to the dreams I’ve been having. Is my brain still struggling after ten years to believe that Nathan passed away? Or is my brain trying to accept something it was never designed to cope with? Maybe it’s a bit of both. My encouragement lately, though, has been to know that while Nathan’s earthly body is no longer alive, Nathan is. He is in the presence of the Lord where there are no shadows, no death. He’s not here, on this side of the dark glass, but he’s on the other side of the glass, able to see the full glory of God. He is able to see God’s perfect plan and rejoice in it. When my dreams come back and tell me Nathan is somehow still alive, I will say yes, yes he is. More alive than any of us here.

Any Day Now

 A friend of mine is still single in his 30’s, and I asked how he doesn’t become discouraged about being alone. He said at any moment he might find the girl of his dreams. It might be tomorrow. If he knew he would meet her tomorrow, he would be very happy today and not worry about it. He doesn’t have that guarantee, but he has decided to act like it. He has decided to be happy because he believes that change is coming soon in his life.

We aren’t guaranteed to find the ideal spouse, but I liked my friend’s perspective. Instead of being sad that something might never happen, he has chosen to be excited that it might happen at any time.

As I was thinking about that this morning, I began to think about eternity. Sometimes we feel like death is so far away. Maybe we are thinking of heaven and going to be with the Lord, and it seems so far away as we are going through trials on this earth. At other times, death can seem very scary, and the hope is that it will be far away.

Life is so fragile. Do we realize how fragile it really is?

A young person dies in a car crash, and it shocks us because it seems like they should have had another 50 years of life left.

An elderly person suffers for years with a terminal illness, and it seems like death would be merciful but yet it doesn’t come.

With COVID, we have seen so many people die who were relatively healthy with years of life left.

Sometimes death is sudden, and sometimes it’s not.

The promise for believers is that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord (2 Cor. 5:8). That could be tomorrow, or next year, or in 20 years. Some of us know that it will be sooner rather than later, but the truth is that no one really knows.

What would change if we lived like we were going to be with Christ tomorrow?

Imagine it. Would you worry about what your finances will look like in ten years? Would you worry about where your career will go? About what somebody said to you at the grocery store when they were having a bad day? Even about having a full tank of gas or what you are going to eat.

All those things fade in the light of eternity, and we realize what really matters to us.

Going back to my friend, does he just sit around waiting for a partner to show up? No, he goes about his business, still washing the dishes, planning for the future, and keeping his eyes open. What difference does his mentality make? He’s doing the same things he would normally do.

Yet, his mentality puts everything into perspective. It allows him to be satisfied with what he has right now, because he believes something better is coming soon.

For believers, this principle has so many wonderful implications. We know something better will be coming soon. We know that we are one step away from being with the Lord.

I truly believe that if we begin to look at life through this lense, we will be able to find satisfaction regardless of our circumstances because we can know they are only temporary. Your situation, crisis, struggle, etc. won’t last forever, and if you are a believer, you will have a good ending no matter what happens right now. Right now is not even a drop in the bucket of eternity, so remember that the next time life gets overwhelming. Change is coming, and it could be any day.

3 Things to Do on a Saturday

So today is Saturday, some say silent Saturday, and it’s kind of an odd day because it’s the day after Jesus dies, but the day before His resurrection. It’s this awkward in-between time because you know what’s coming, but it’s not here yet.

I began to imagine how the disciples must have felt that day. We know Easter is coming; we know Jesus is coming back. But they didn’t know yet. They were confused. They were expecting a political leader to come in and defeat the Roman Empire, and the man they thought would do that just died.

Not only had the disciples just dedicated 3 1/2 years of their lives to this man, but they had put their trust in Him as God.

They had seen Him be crucified, and their hope died with Him. And then Saturday came. It’s safe to say it was the worst Saturday in history, because for a brief period, Jesus was dead and the world had no hope.

God’s plan made no sense at that moment.

You might relate well to the disciples’ situation. Does it seem like a Saturday in your life right now? With this quarantine, it kind of feels like every day is Saturday in more ways than one. If you’re stuck at home every day, or maybe it’s even the season of life, that Saturday seems to drag on and on, where you don’t know what is going to happen next. You may feel hopeless.

There is a lot of uncertainty right now. Like the disciples, we can see how things are, but we can’t see yet how God is moving. We don’t have access to see the end results, and there’s not a lot that makes sense right now.

So what did the followers of Jesus do to get them through their Saturday?

Tucked away at the end of Luke 23 is a verse that could be easily overlooked, but it offers some sound advice for us today if we look closely. Let’s read it:

“And they returned, and prepared spices and ointments; and rested the sabbath day according to the commandment.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭23:56‬ 

So what did these followers of Christ do that helped them get through their Saturday?

1. They did what they knew to do.

They prepared spices to put on Jesus’s body, which was customary in those days. They weren’t sure how to react, so they just did what they normally did. So simple, but easy to forget.

During this time in quarantine it’s easy to feel panicked, to feel like you can’t do anything. That’s okay. Just start with what you know to do. Wear a mask, wash your hands, keep cleaning and cooking. Do what you know to do.

2. They rested.

It would have to have been so hard to just rest knowing Jesus had died the day before. I would have probably been pacing, anxious, and probably fearful. Yet the women rested. I believe even in the middle of chaos we can still find rest in God.

I know I’m not the only one who longed for a vacation before we were all in quarantine. I longed for a few days to just sleep in, watch a movie, eat ice cream and crochet. Now that I have the opportunity, it’s hard to relax. I have been, though, and it’s been really nice. It’s okay and even good to rest in the middle of difficult situations.

This past week I have been really stressed out and down without understanding exactly why. Then last night it finally hit me. I have constantly been berating myself for not being more productive, and it had gotten me really down. I had to stop and free myself of my own expectations. I had to tell myself it’s okay to rest. It’s also okay to be tired in this season. It’s normal, and you’re not a bad person for stopping to rest. Let yourself rest during this time, and don’t belittle yourself for being tired.

3. They maintained their relationship with and commitment to God.

These followers were probably really confused about God’s plan, but they still rested on the sabbath. They still honored their commitment to God through obedience.

We won’t always understand what God is doing, but we need to stay faithful to Him. How do we stay faithful in our relationship to Him? We can continue to read His word, pray, and meet online or over the phone with brothers and sisters in the faith. We can also choose to trust Him even when it doesn’t make sense.

Sometimes Saturdays last a long time. I want to assure you, though, that Sunday will come and that the joy that it brings will be worth the wait. Just as one Saturday is like a drop in a bucket compared to the 2,000 years of rejoicing in the resurrection since Christ rose, such will be our sufferings on the earth compared to an eternity in heaven. One day we will rejoice forevermore, with no more anxiety, no more death, and not even any more tears!

What a day that will be!

In Memory of Nathan Fouts - March 18, 1991 to May 9, 2013

One year ago today, my cousin Nathan went to be with the Lord on a mission trip to Nicaragua. This past year has been a difficult one for my family, but it has also been a year that has proved God’s faithfulness and His promise that He would never leave us nor forsake us. I am also so thankful for a family who turned to God and did not forsake Him during this crisis.

I was in Nicaragua with the group, and wanted to share a few details surrounding those events that showed God’s hand that day. We had had a very successful week ministering, and the group was going to take a few days to relax before going home. Nathan had preached with an incredible anointing that week, causing people to come to Christ for salvation and help. It was the first time I had ever heard Nathan preach, and I was so proud to call him my cousin. I was also thrilled that one of my family members was in Nicaragua to see the work going on there.

Honestly I didn’t know Nathan that well, and we didn’t always get along as kids. I remember on a mission trip to Mexico before we were teenagers while riding on the bus, he snuck under the seat, grabbed our shoes, and put them all in the back of the bus! Now that memory makes me laugh. He was so full of energy and mischievousness at times! He was a Fouts for sure. On the week of the mission trip, we didn’t talk a lot, but we seemed to connect more than we ever had before. On the day of the accident, we sat together at lunch. He was talking about John Wayne movies and asked if I had seen any. When I told him no, he acted shocked and jokingly said he couldn’t believe he had a family member who hadn’t watched John Wayne! He smiled at me, and I could tell everything was okay between us.

While we were at lunch, I checked my facebook, and one of my good friends had posted some song lyrics that for some reason really stuck in my mind that day. “Even if the healing doesn’t come, and life falls apart and dreams are still undone, You are God. You are good, forever faithful One, even if the healing, even if the healing doesn’t come.” I didn’t realize at the time how significant those words would be to me just a few hours later.

We made it to the beach, and there were a lot of surfers in the water. There was no reason to suspect that there was any danger. It was hot, and we were ready to swim. When we got there, the guys went to one area of the beach, and the girls stayed at another area. The girls all began to wade out into the water, when one of the girls cried out in pain. She said something had either bitten or stung her. We all quickly got out of the water after just a few seconds of being in it, and decided to just walk on the shore and explore the rocks. We didn’t know the greater danger, that the current had changed and was pulling people under, but God did, and he protected all of us girls that day. Had we gone in, not being strong swimmers, we might have all drowned.

A little while later, someone ran down the beach telling us someone had been pulled under, warning us of the danger of being in the water. We didn’t think too much about it, since we were on shore, but just a few moments later, Bro. Setser came up the beach to get the truck, and told us to pray hard for Nathan. They were taking him to the hospital. We knelt on the beach in a circle and began to pray fervently. The Holy Spirit fell on the group as we were praying, and all of a sudden the song lyrics I had read earlier that day began to repeat themselves over and over in my mind. “Even if the healing doesn’t come, and life falls apart and dreams are still undone, You are God. You are good, forever faithful One, even if the healing, even if the healing doesn’t come.” We later learned that Nathan passed away before he made it to the hospital.

The next few days were spent trying to get Nathan’s body sent back home. Someone had remarked earlier in the week that it would take a miracle to get a body sent back in time to have a funeral. We knew that we would need just that miracle. It would have been a difficult task even if the original police reports of the accident had not been lost, and if the weekend were not approaching (everything pretty much shuts down over the weekend, we learned). We were facing nearly an impossible task.

Thankfully God did provide a blessing that helped us. Many of the documents needed signatures from the next of kin, and God had allowed me to be on that trip as his next of kin. Because we both had the same last name, the authorities thought I was Nathan’s sister (even though we told them several times otherwise). This sped up the paperwork, and after several days of us going through red tape, his body was finally released and sent home, just in time to have an open casket for the viewing. We knew it was going to take a miracle for that to happen, and God did it.

During those days after the accident while still in Nicaragua, we found some notes Nathan had written in the first few pages of his bible. What really caught my attention was the following:

“My goal in my ministry is not to preach a youth camp. It is not to pastor a huge congregation. It is not to be booked a year in advance as evangelist. My goal in my ministry is to have a generation that follows after me in the paths of ministry and of God. My goal is not to be a youth camp speaker. It is simply to be the best Christian I can be.”

Sometimes God’s answers to our prayers are completely different than we imagined. It would be easy to see Nathan’s death as a promising ministry cut short, or God’s plan ending too soon. However, I believe that God gave Nathan a clear picture of what his purpose was to be. He knew that his goal in ministry was to have a generation that followed after him in the paths of ministry and of God. He didn’t know how it would be fulfilled, but he knew that he would fulfill that purpose by being the best Christian he could be.

When I look around and see young people who are taking his last message to heart, “Don’t Lay Down Your Sword” and when I hear the youth in Nicaragua use him as an example of giving your life for the ministry, and knowing that a tabernacle for a youth camp and a amemorial garden in Nicaragua are being built in his memory, I believe Nathan absolutely fulfilled the purpose God had for him on this earth. He truly will have a generation, in multiple countries, who will look to and follow his example in giving one’s all for Christ.

 

Can God Trust You?

Have you ever prayed, “God, why are you letting me go through this? Why are you letting this happen in my life?” I think most, if not all of us, have prayed or thought that at some point in our lives.

I was praying that a few weeks ago, and felt like I got an answer to my situation, one that really surprised me. I was having to work with a difficult person, and became very frustrated. I asked God why He wasn’t delivering me from the situation. Then all of a sudden, I remembered a prayer I had prayed several months ago. At that time I had seen some aspects of my character that God needed to deal with, so I asked Him to change me no matter the cost, no matter how bad it hurt me. Looking then at the situation I was in, I realized God had placed me with a person who was slowly and painstakingly causing me to develop the aspect of my character with which I struggled.

That realization made me excited to see that God was answering my prayer, but also a bit hesitant to pray another prayer like that. I was also disappointed in myself for not having faith in God that He had my best interests at heart. He had been answering my prayer this whole time even though I had complained every day. I realized that instead of getting frustrated toward God for allowing me to go through this, I should rather be leaning on Him and trusting in Him to teach me through it.

I realized that if I had just submitted to His plan in the first place instead of questioning Him and resisting His plan the whole time, I could have built up so much more faith and learned so much more.

So often we pray, “God, change me,” but then when He starts to change us, we realize we didn’t actually want to change, but rather we wanted the problem to go away. God realizes that taking away our problems isn’t going to help us grow or change.  Because of this, sometimes He has to allow the problem to become even bigger than it was so we’ll have to learn how to deal with it, and let Him teach us to lean on Him.

I also wonder how many prayers God has said no to, because He knows I don’t really want the answer. I pray for peace, and He gives me a storm to learn how to have true peace. I pray for joy, and He gives me a difficult situation so I can find where my true joy is.

Why does God answer no to some of our prayers? Because perhaps He doesn’t trust us with the answers. Can God trust you? If you ask for peace, and He uses a storm to teach you, can He trust you to still serve Him in the middle of the storm? If you ask Him to teach you perseverance, and He allows you to go through a drawn-out difficult situation, can He trust you to stick out the lesson?

Whatever you are going through right now, I can assure you that God has a purpose for it. The Bible says in Romans 8:28 that “All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” Maybe your situation is difficult and you don’t understand why you have to go through it. Maybe you are having difficulty trusting God, but I want to tell you that you can always trust in God. He does have your best interests at heart, even when you can’t see them. If you could always see what He was doing and always understood, you wouldn’t need His help. So when you ask Him for help, realize that you’re not always going to understand the process. You won’t always see how the means gets to the end. However, even when we can’t see, and can’t understand, we can know that God does see and does understand, and He has an amazing end in store!

Bananas, Not Worms

I was really encouraged the other night listening to the radio. Missionary Darlene Rose came on, and was talking about her experience as a prisoner while serving in Asia. She had been accused of being a spy and talking on a radio in the jungle, of which she was innocent, but was held in a prison for a long time and tortured. She said she had been in there under poor conditions so long that she was suffering from malaria, dropsy, and a few other serious health issues. One day they brought her porridge because she wasn’t able to eat rice (because it was solid food). She thought the white stuff on top of it was coconut, but realized when she got close that it was actually worms.

She decided to go ahead and try to eat it. She managed to get a few bites down, but couldn’t eat any more. She thanked God for it, though, because she knew she could have gone without anything to even put in her stomach. She climbed to the top of her cell to the window where she could get some cool air on her face since her fever was so bad. She looked out the window and saw a woman carrying a large fruit basket. There were several bananas in the basket, and they looked so good! She prayed, and said, “God, I will not ask you for much. I don’t want a bunch of bananas. Could you just send me one banana?”

She said she then began to think of how God was going to answer her prayer, like a lot of us do when we pray. She thought through the guards, and concluded that none of them would bring her a banana. She thought about asking a guy that came by every now and then, because he seemed nice, but she realized that he would be shot if he got caught giving her a banana. She couldn’t figure out how God could possibly get her a banana, so she prayed and told God she was sorry. She had asked Him for something too hard, and wasn’t grateful for what she had. She told Him she really was grateful for the porridge, and was sorry she had asked for an impossible thing. 

Later that day a guard she had met at the other prison knocked on her door. He smiled at her, and she got so happy because she hadn’t seen anybody smile in so long. He was surprised, but he came in and talked with her. She told him she wanted to tell him about someone she met in Arizona when she was nine. She told him how she met Jesus, and how He had saved her. She told the guard that when Jesus comes into your heart, He fills it with love and you have no room for hate. She told the guard she didn’t hate him for what he had done to her. The guard cried as he listened. He left her alone in her cell, and went outside to talk with the other guards. A few hours later, her door opened, and they carried in bananas into her cell. They didn’t bring her just one, or two; they brought 92 bananas into her cell!

Instead of diving into them, she pushed them all to the other side of the cell away from her. She told God how sorry she was, that she was unworthy of the bananas. She had told Him she was sorry for asking Him to even bring her one banana, and he brought her 92 of them. She finally brought herself to eat them. After a few days as she was eating the last banana, they opened the prison door and released her.

It made me think about how often we pray and ask God for things, specific things, and because we can’t see how God could possibly do it, we don’t trust Him. Haven’t we all been guilty of praying for something and then trying to figure out how God is going to do it? Maybe you have prayed for a spouse, and then thought you knew God’s plan and pushed to make it happen, only to have it fail and your heart broken. Maybe you have asked God to move in your finances, but are overwhelmed and can’t see how God could possibly move in your situation. Maybe you have a dream that God gave you, but you’ve tried and tried to make it happen and it seems like it’ll never go anywhere.

That brings us to what is so awesome about God! He loves to do “exceedingly above all that we can ask or think.” He can take an impossible situation and turn it around. Think about Abraham, and how God had given him the promise of a son. Sarah gave up hope that she would have kids, so she figured out another “way” God could give him a son, through her maidservant Hagar. However, God had His own plan. He allowed Sarah to have Isaac when she was 90. So often we try to figure out how to help God answer our prayers, but we forget that He doesn’t need our help. He just wants us to trust Him that He’ll do what He says. He doesn’t forget His promises, and He doesn’t give us dreams just to let them die.

Also, Missionary Darlene Rose thanked God for the porridge because she thought that was the best He could do. She allowed herself to be content with what she had although she had asked for more. Likewise, Abraham tried to be content with Ishmael as his heir instead of a son through his wife because he couldn’t understand yet how God could do it another way. What’s sad is we often seem to do the same thing. We pray for something specific, and then try to be content with the first thing that comes along, assuming it’s from God. The bible says in Luke 11:11-13, “If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? 12 Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? 13 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?”

Don’t settle for less than what God wants to give you. He is always faithful, and He’ll always do what He promises. Just wait on Him and His will in your life. You don’t have to try to figure out how to make God’s will happen. He is already working on your behalf, and wants you to trust Him and submit your will to Him. If only we could understand how great God’s love is for us, we wouldn’t be afraid of in trusting Him. The bible says perfect love casts out all fear. Sometimes it can be difficult to trust God with our lives, our will, and our future, but the closer we get to God and the more we love Him, the easier it becomes to trust Him. He has big plans for your life; just trust Him to make them happen, and He’ll do bigger things than you ever thought possible.

The Distortion in the Mirror

When I was younger, I went with my uncle and aunt to a church camp. We stayed in cabins and had morning and evening services like most camps. I was getting ready for service and didn’t have a mirror to see my hair or outfit, so I went to find one in my aunt’s cabin. When I looked into the mirror, I looked like I had put on twenty pounds! I told my aunt, “I think your mirror is distorted. I look huge!”

All of a sudden she jumps up laughing and hugs me. I asked her what was going on, and she said she hadn’t realized the mirror was distorted. She had been on a crash diet since she looked in the mirror because she believed that she had gained weight. I told her she looked fine, and hadn’t gained weight like she thought. We both laughed and went to find another mirror that was clear.

It made me think, though, how often we do this in life. It seems like there are a lot of mirrors telling us who we are. We see models that send the message we’re not pretty enough or skinny enough. We see advertisements saying we need this product, that pair of shoes, that car, to really be who we want to be. Sometimes people let us believe we’re nothing without them in a relationship. Maybe our boss makes us think we’d be nothing without this job. And maybe we’re even telling ourselves we’re worthless.

We often don’t even realize that the mirrors we’re looking into are distorted. Maybe we try to change even who we are to look good in someone else’s distorted mirror. But, I’ve got good news. There is a mirror we can go to that’s not distorted.

God knows who we are better than we do, and He tells us who we are in His Word. In Genesis 1:27, the bible says “In the image of God created he him, male and female created He them.” You were created in the image of God. You have incredible value!

The bible also says in Romans 10:15, “How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!” Did you know that to God even your feet are beautiful?

In Matthew 10:29-31, the bible says, “Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.”

There are so many other verses in the bible as well that tell us who we are as God sees us. He alone knows how valuable we are, and he loves us unconditionally. We must look in God’s mirror, the Word, and remember who we are in Christ.

We must also remember that even if we look fine in our own mirrors, God’s mirror will show the flaws that we can’t even see. Wouldn’t it be horrible to go out in public with your breakfast on your face or broccoli in your teeth because you couldn’t see yourself well in your mirror? But yet we go out in public with attitudes that are even more repulsive than food on our faces because we didn’t ask the Holy Spirit to check us before we left. Before we ever leave the house, we must remember to look in God’s mirror, allowing the Holy Spirit to clean us up so we can reflect Christ in all we do.